There is a very specific moment that would confuse every previous generation.
A guy likes a girl.
The girl likes him back.
They text each other every day.
They send each other TikToks.
They’re on FaceTime until 2 AM.
Their friends know.
Their mothers know.
Instagram knows.
Spotify probably knows.
But ask them what they are and suddenly everyone develops collective amnesia.
“We’re just talking.”
Talking.
A stage of modern romance so vague it could mean anything from soulmates to strangers who occasionally react to each other’s Instagram stories.
And somewhere between situationships, dating apps, ghosting, soft-launches, hard-launches, breadcrumbing, orbiting and whatever new relationship term TikTok invents next Tuesday, an entire generation has found itself accused of being terrible at dating.
Older generations say we’re commitment-phobic.
We’re too online.
Too detached.
Too obsessed with therapy language.
Too afraid of discomfort.
Too quick to leave.
Too slow to commit.
According to the internet, Gen Z has somehow ruined romance itself.
But every time I hear that argument, I find myself wondering whether Gen Z is actually bad at dating—or whether we’re simply the first generation whose entire dating lives are happening in public.
Because if we’re being honest, dating has always been messy.
The difference is that previous generations got to be messy privately.
We get screenshots.
The Talking Stage Has Become A Full-Time Relationship
One of the biggest complaints people have about Gen Z dating is the talking stage.
Nobody knows what they’re doing.
Nobody defines anything.
Nobody commits.
Everybody is “seeing where things go.”
Which sounds harmless until you realise some talking stages last longer than actual relationships.
Previous generations had courtship.
We have ambiguity.
And while ambiguity offers freedom, it also creates confusion.
Because there comes a point where you’ve exchanged childhood trauma, favourite foods, family issues, career goals, Spotify Wrapped results and opinions on pineapple pizza.
At that point, you’re either dating or conducting an exceptionally detailed census.
The talking stage exists because nobody wants to get hurt.
The irony is that nobody wants to commit because everybody is already hurt.
We’ve grown up watching divorces, toxic relationships, cheating scandals, public breakups and enough failed love stories online to make cynicism feel practical.
The result?
People delay commitment as a form of self-protection.
Unfortunately, uncertainty hurts too.
Dating Apps Made Everyone Feel Replaceable
Every generation complains about modern dating.
But Gen Z inherited something unique.
The illusion of infinite options.
At any given moment there is another profile.
Another match.
Another conversation.
Another possibility.
Dating apps transformed romance into something that occasionally resembles online shopping.
People are no longer comparing partners to their neighbours or classmates.
They’re comparing them to thousands of hypothetical alternatives.
And when every interaction exists alongside endless possibilities, commitment can start feeling less like choosing someone and more like giving up options.
Psychologists call this the paradox of choice.
The more options we have, the harder it becomes to feel satisfied with any one decision.
Which explains why so many people keep searching.
And why so many people feel exhausted.
We Have Better Boundaries And Worse Intimacy
This is where Gen Z becomes fascinating.
Because the criticism isn’t entirely wrong.
But neither is the praise.
On one hand, Gen Z is arguably the most emotionally aware generation to date.
We talk openly about mental health.
We discuss boundaries.
We recognise unhealthy dynamics faster.
We understand consent more clearly.
Many young couples communicate in ways previous generations never learned to.
That’s progress.
Genuine progress.
But sometimes emotional awareness becomes emotional over-analysis.
Every disagreement becomes a red flag.
Every inconvenience becomes incompatibility.
Every flaw becomes a reason to leave.
Relationships require boundaries.
They also require tolerance.
And somewhere between protecting ourselves and perfecting ourselves, some people have forgotten that intimacy often involves discomfort.
Not toxicity.
Discomfort.
Those are very different things.
Social Media Turned Relationships Into Content
Perhaps the strangest thing about modern romance is how performative it has become.
Relationships no longer exist only between two people.
They exist between two people and their followers.
Anniversary posts.
Soft launches.
Hard launches.
Matching profile pictures.
Story highlights.
Photo dumps.
Public declarations.
Private fights.
Public breakups.
Everything leaves a digital footprint.
Which means relationships now carry an audience.
And audiences change behaviour.
Sometimes it feels like people are documenting love instead of experiencing it.
Creating evidence of intimacy instead of intimacy itself.
The pressure is exhausting.
Because relationships are already difficult without having to consider whether they’re aesthetically pleasing online.
Nobody Knows How To Meet People Anymore
Here’s the contradiction nobody talks about.
Gen Z hates dating apps.
But many also dislike being approached in person.
We want authentic connections.
But we spend most of our lives behind screens.
We want romance.
But we don’t necessarily want strangers speaking to us.
Which leaves everyone trapped in a strange social stalemate.
Nobody wants to make the first move.
Everybody wants someone else to.
The result is a generation that often feels lonelier than it appears.
Despite being more connected than any generation before it.
Maybe Older Generations Are Remembering Selectively
There’s also another possibility.
Maybe every generation believes the next one is ruining dating.
Boomers criticised Gen X.
Gen X criticised Millennials.
Millennials criticise Gen Z.
And Gen Z will almost certainly criticise Gen Alpha someday.
Because nostalgia has a funny habit of editing reality.
People remember handwritten letters.
They forget unanswered landlines.
They remember grand gestures.
They forget terrible relationships people stayed in because they had fewer choices.
They remember romance.
They forget the loneliness.
Every generation thinks love used to be simpler.
Mostly because they’re no longer living through the complicated part.
The Truth Is Probably Somewhere In The Middle
Yes, modern dating can feel exhausting.
Yes, situationships have overstayed their welcome.
Yes, social media has made relationships stranger.
Yes, dating apps have fundamentally changed how people connect.
But Gen Z is also dating in a world that previous generations never experienced.
A world of economic uncertainty.
Digital intimacy.
Constant visibility.
Infinite comparison.
Global connection.
And somehow, despite all of that, people are still falling in love.
They’re still finding each other.
Still meeting through mutual friends, university classes, shared interests, random internet interactions and increasingly bizarre circumstances.
The methods may look different.
The language may sound different.
The timelines may be different.
But the desire underneath remains exactly the same.
People still want to be chosen.
Still want to feel understood.
Still want someone who texts them when they get home safely.
Still want someone to build a life with.
And maybe that’s the part every generation has in common.
The technology changes.
The apps change.
The terminology changes.
But the search never really does.